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// not answering you, being mad and heartbroken and numb all at once…it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I just want to hold you and hug you and ask if you are ok but it was your choice to walk away from our friendship this time. I keep telling myself not to cry over you and then I see a fucking pony or a nemo quote. it hurts to even breathe, but at this point what else can I do but try? I haven’t left my room in days and I can’t even bring myself to sleep. I know I know you’d slap the taste clear out of my mouth if you knew this, but it hurts my chest too much to even move. I hope this numb feeling swallows me whole. I just want to disappear. but even in this moment my only thought is I hope you got what you wanted. I hope you feel better now. and as mad and broken as I am….I hope you are happy and find what you want. even with my heart shattered I still love you with every piece. I hope you see this, I hope you understand I can respond to you right now. you hurt me too bad. I just fell apart all over again Monday and sobbed in my car, this hurts worse than the break up. it really does. because I feel like you just gave up again. that our friendship wasn’t worth fighting for. I hope my anger goes away soon and I hope when I can stop crying I won’t hate you for this. I don’t want to hate you I really don’t. I just wanted to be apart of your life even if it was a small part. I thought we were finally working through the awkwardness I thought we were finally getting to a good place. also your timing was completely horrible fml. anyway I don’t even know why I’m posting this. I guess I’m hoping, at least a small part of me, you’ll see it and understand I’m not ok and that’s why I’m choosing to ignore you because unless you want to try and salvage this thing it will once again get my hopes up only to shatter them. anyway, I hope you are ok I hope you are able to smile one day as you think of me and us. I hope one day I can too. but right now I’ll just go under my rock and hope this pain ends soon.

// every single bit of that was bullshit and once again you’d rather assume things than speak to me. had you actually taken the time to ask me you’d know I hadn’t healed one bit that it fucking kills me to respond as slow as I do to you and that all I want is to fucking kiss you and be yours again. whatever. i hope whatever that line of crap you fed me today helps you sleep at night.

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